Mind, on the rocks?!

I was driving behind a learner driver recently and, due to events unforeseen, found myself explaining to my daughter why some people do idiotic things and why patience is cool, as the learner driver drove on slowly. Everyone has to start somewhere and this got me thinking about how we impact new things with our behaviour.

As always Chat GOT is at the bottom for a less verbose read 😉

Impact. “come into forcible contact with another object”. I chose this word for its specific meaning, I could have gone with influence but that’s not really capturing what I feel like talking about. This article is about dealing with life as and when it happens. life is fickle, sometimes you plan for it, sometimes you can’t, sometimes you can see life coming, and sometimes you won’t. Impacts are the parts of life that just hit us, knowingly or unknowingly but it is a flavour of life that affects you directly. The student driver is a great example of a series of impacts. For the uninitiated, student drivers are slow, easily startled, and mostly feel confused, scared uncomfortable and weird. If you have been driving for decades like me, you may not remember this time, but we were all here once, trying to learn.

OK, the impact thought train is leaving the station now. The slow driver has an impact on the people around them, to be expected they are learning. What is more valuable or at least interesting is how that impact spurs a series of behaviours and subsequent impacts. This is how it played out. The student driver is doing student driver things, stalling at stop streets, doing the “proper” procedures which involves way too many mirror and blind spot checks and generally being slower than everyone else. Now I am one car behind this poor soul and in between us is “That Human”.

Don’t be That Human. The person had so little patience for learning that their response to the situation was hooting, flashing lights and literally screaming out of the window. A wonderful display of empathy for a learning situation and this behaviour now has its own set of impacts. The student driver stalled the car, and this obviously didn’t help the situation, my daughter was suddenly very interested in a world that mostly passes her by, asking what was happening and why this “human” was being, as she puts it “so mean”, which I have to admit is a far nicer description. Now the hollering barbarian in his little pickup truck has managed to impact at least five people, The Learner driver, their coach, me, my daughter and the barbarian’s passenger trying desperately to melt into the seat.

Impacts make for opportunities. Taking this I have a choice, I could dismiss it as someone being a dumb ass, but put in far more child-friendly language, I could attempt to bestow upon my kin the gift of patience and empathy. I tried the latter it didn’t land completely but it was great to explain that we have a choice to be patient. It allowed me to reflect on how we learn and that everyone learns at different speeds and by us not hassling the learner driver they get to focus on learning and not worrying so much. Being patient is a small thing you can do but it does make a difference. It does take a bit more awareness than seems to be in common supply but it’s easy enough to do.

The situation dictates the approach. We cannot discuss impacts and effects without acknowledging the situation. In many cases you will be placed into a reactive position based on situation, a chance encounter with an opportunity to help, or a chance encounter with a mugger. In both cases, you are required to think on your feet and be in the moment so to speak. Regardless habits will dictate a lot of what you do. When a situation is more scheduled or you have a longer run-up to it, you have far more time to plan your responses. it’s impossible to be responsive in every situation, constraints and pressure will often rob you of that opportunity but patience often breeds time, time we can use to push for better outcomes.

Active and passive Impacts. The examples above show the difference between passive and active impact. Passive impacts are created without any thought being put into the actions or the desired outcome. Passive impacts are very often a result of habitual or reactionary tendencies and in many cases, you can’t really help it. Your ingrained habits, moral compass and general view of humans will in most cases influence your reactions, passive impacts are basically unplanned. Active impacts are very different, these are impacts by design. You spend time thinking about how you want to approach a situation with a definite view of how you want to interact and what the desired outcome should be. The key difference here is time, how much time do you have available to you to affect an active impact.

Impacting and being impacted is not the same thing. This is an important part of impacts, understanding when you have actively or passively impacted a situation or person is hugely important for growth and learning. You can only get better by evaluating your activities. However not every impact is something you started or planned, sometimes you are the impacted party and this is a very different situation, with very different impacts. Sometimes the impact is very positive, you learn, grow or just feel good, this is awesome. Sometimes the impact is far less desirable, it’s negative, whatever form that may take, the fact is it has happened and it has added itself to the tapestry of your reference framework and mental health.

Would have, should have, could have. Acknowledge that hindsight is the perfect vision, influenced by your own biases, but move beyond this point, learn from it but don’t dwell on it beyond the useful learning, much energy is wasted on trying to change the past, which by definition is a moment lost in time. What I have found best is to soundboard past events for learning, biased control and support, talking about an event and its impacts on you is liberating and healthy. At this point, it is important to understand the difference between soundboarding a relatively light impact with a friend and finding professional help for more severe impacts. It is vital to your learning and reference framework that you get support from a trained professional if the situation dictates this, for example, grief and trauma counselling, are professional roles with specific focuses and reference frameworks to have an active positive impact on you.

Impacts make for memories. Not all memories are good ones. I heard about this thing called sensory memory the other day, fascinating, the ability to recall an event or experience by sound, smell, texture, visual cue all sorts of stuff. For example, the smell of popcorn will bring back memories of the joy or terror of your first film. Either way, something impacted you and as a bonus fact sometimes there is a sensory element attached which makes recall of that memory faster and more vivid. This is the point. Impacts make for vivid memories, positive or negative which means impacts are powerful and can be used as tools for creating positive change.

You can always make an impact. The type of impact is up to you. I personally, however frustrating it may be for me, try to give learner drivers their space, mostly for safety reasons but also because it’s hard to learn how to drive a lot is going on when you take the wheel for the first time. That one moment in time when the person behind you keeps a safe following distance, doesn’t hoot at you or flashing lights but just gives you space to focus on learning instead of being scared out of your mind has a lasting positive impact. Herein lies the crux of the matter, that old curse word awareness comes into play, what is my situation, what influence do I have on the event playing out in front of me, what could I do next and how would that change the situation, what will the new impact be. Simple enough to read, far more difficult to actively keep in mind, but this is a habit that can be formed and like driving can become second nature.

I like to put on cologne for special occasions so that the next time I smell it I am reminded of the experience, never knew there was a name for this. This also means the smell of breaks or the shout of slurs can bring back other memories, be kind to people learning, we all start somewhere, and support that with empathy.

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As always Chat GPT makes an appearance:

Patience on the Road: Lessons from a Learner Driver

Recently, I found myself driving behind a learner driver. This situation led me to explain to my daughter why patience is essential, especially when others make mistakes. Watching the learner driver struggle reminded me that everyone has to start somewhere. This got me thinking about the impact of our behavior on new experiences.

Understanding Impact

Impact is about coming into forcible contact with another object, but in life, it often means the influence we have on others, sometimes without realizing it. Life is unpredictable—sometimes you can plan, and sometimes you can’t. Impacts are the moments that hit us, shaping our experiences directly.

The Learner Driver Experience

Learner drivers often move slowly, feel easily startled, and navigate with confusion and fear. For seasoned drivers, it’s easy to forget these early challenges. Yet, being stuck behind a learner driver can be frustrating. This brings us to a key point: how we respond to such situations reveals a lot about our character.

Don’t Be “That Human”

In my case, another driver was clearly impatient, honking, flashing lights, and shouting. This behaviour only added stress for the learner driver, startled their coach, piqued my daughter’s curiosity about such negative behaviour, and embarrassed the impatient driver’s passenger. This one person’s impatience had a ripple effect on at least five people.

Opportunities in Patience

We always have a choice in how we respond. I used the situation to teach my daughter about patience and empathy. Though the lesson didn’t entirely resonate, it was an opportunity to reflect on the importance of patience, especially when others are learning. Small acts of patience can significantly improve someone else’s experience.

Adapting to Situations

Every situation demands a different response. Sometimes we react instinctively; other times, we have the luxury of planning our response. While it’s impossible to be perfectly responsive in every situation, cultivating patience can provide the time needed to achieve better outcomes.

Active vs. Passive Impacts

Passive impacts occur without deliberate intent, often out of habit. Active impacts are intentional and designed with a specific outcome in mind. The main difference lies in the time and thought we invest in our actions.

Understanding Impact: Growth and Learning

Recognizing whether we’ve actively or passively impacted a situation is crucial for personal growth. Not all impacts are initiated by us; sometimes, we are on the receiving end. These experiences, whether positive or negative, shape our memories and personal development.

Hindsight and Moving Forward

Hindsight offers perfect vision but is coloured by our biases. It’s important to learn from the past without dwelling on it excessively. Sharing experiences and seeking support—whether from friends or professionals—can be beneficial for processing significant impacts, such as grief or trauma.

Sensory Memory and Impact

Impacts often create vivid memories. Sensory memories—triggered by smells, sounds, or sights—can make these recollections more immediate and intense. Whether it’s the smell of popcorn evoking childhood movie memories or the stress of driving lessons, these impacts shape our lives.

Creating Positive Impacts

We have the power to make positive impacts. For example, giving learner drivers space and patience can significantly improve their learning experience. Awareness of our influence in any given situation allows us to choose actions that foster positive outcomes.

Conclusion

Empathy and patience, especially towards those who are learning, create a supportive environment. Being mindful of our impacts can lead to more positive interactions and a better, more understanding society.