I had the most saddening, almost defeating moment in mid January 2020. Driving my usual route to catch the usual train, I stopped at the usual traffic light, and that was the last thing that was usual about this day.
There in front of me on the opposite corner was a man, bathed in the headlights of travelers, revealing the stark truth of his existence, he was naked. Not a single piece of clothing apart from a tattered white boonie hat, dreadlocks flowing from beneath it like a broken crown.
This man was naked but he was filled with a fire, staring down each and every car that passed him by. And to my surprise no one reacted. It was as if he was completely invisible or was he? I expected a few honks maybe some high beam flashing, but nothing. The fact that this naked man was staring everyone down with a cold hard look of disdain and despair made us all cringe into a state of non-action, we became invisible and he was the only one who was truly there.
In a moment of dark comedic relief I reflected on a scene from the film Gladiator, ” Are you not entertained?” For a brief moment our eyes locked, his stoic look haunts me to this day and the only thing I can do is be thankful that it’s not me standing there. I also realized he was not naked at all he was just wearing what was left of himself.
I am still puzzled by what could drive an individual to such a display. I am not under the impression that this was done for fun or profit. Speaking from experience I suspect some form of serious mental strain has taken place. Now most people when they see someone naked in public would react in some way, it is after all a societal taboo, if it’s naked there is something wrong and sinister about it, it is perverted. You see the act of displaying nudity in our society has become such a false taboo that few would garner the gumption to actually do it, and those that do normally have some profit to gain. This does not invalidate this man’s experience it just makes it that much more bizarre in our shared reality.
Speaking from a position of relative stability and to be honest privilege it’s easy to try and sympathize with this man’s position, I have nothing to lose, empathizing i believe is impossible. Regardless I spent some time trying to imagine what he must be going through, it placed my mind into a completely different perspective. I’ve written articles before on how I see us isolating ourselves and how easy we shut off, especially the homeless people in our societies. But this incident truly cemented my commitment to being more aware of those around me and to question my own mental nudity.
It’s the small acts of mental nudity that make a difference. I very quickly realized that I rarely make direct eye contact with people. The truth is I can fake my way around it by focusing on a spot between you eye brow and your nose bridge and it fools most. However when I actually started looking into people eyes it made me feel naked and to be honest more afraid than I’m comfortable with. It also immediately made me aware of how many people do the same thing. I too dislike the feeling of having my armor stripped away, I don’t think many do, but eye contact seems to do that really well.
Being mentally naked is what it comes to. The issue here is with the false taboo of nudity being ingrained into us all from childhood. This false taboo that all nudity is perversity is making mental nudity so difficult to obtain for most of us, that many of us are left in the unfortunate position of never truly being honest and authentic with ourselves or each other. How can you even begin to share and connect with others if you are constantly checking your mental suite, too much energy is wasted on thinking protection and not enough on stripping down to a comfortable level of nudity.
I have the stupendous privilege to have a few select friends that not only encourage mental nudity but routinely strip me naked every time we meet, it’s cold but I appreciate the breeze. It is liberating to just be without having to think about anything but the moment at hand. Now as with perversity one does not jump right in, you start small, a hairbrush perhaps, and then work your way up to a latex flail with bells. Same thing goes here, the idea isn’t to drop every piece of armor you have meticulously forged over decades, that isn’t only dangerous but damn well impossible. Let’s setup for success here shall we?!
The idea is to lift pieces of your armor in small amounts and test your own acceptance of what happens. The trick is to lift the parts you don’t want to lift and see how that feels for you. Not everyone you know or meet is ready for the naked you, some will welcome it others will shy away. This is but the reality of our times, accept it as a failure on their part not yours. Strangely is it easier to be mentally nude with a stranger than someone you have known for years, strangers don’t know you with the armor on, so they can’t tell the difference.
Why would we want mental nudity? It’s simple, I believe it frees us from the burden of having to maintain the armor, something which in my experience can cause serious mental health issues. It could very well have you end up naked on a street corner. What we are seeking is a more authentic experience with ourselves and others. As long as we try to connect with each other, as long as we acknowledge each other, as long as we risk a small amount of our vulnerability to each other, we might just start changing the world by changing ourselves one shy smile at a time.
I’m sitting in the hotel bar in Lagos Nigeria writing this article. Mr Peter is tending to my drinks and we are getting along just fine. But he started remembering my name when I started looking directly into his eyes. And what I saw in return was beautiful. A man who simply appreciated that I acknowledged his work, the challenges he faces and his attempts to make me feel comfortable. Yes its his job, but there was a change in our interactions when I acknowledged his efforts and showed a little of myself without the armor on.
Well I’m finishing this article two weeks after my trip to Nigeria. Having spent some time with those same friends I mentioned earlier, battling my way through a particularly deep depression, I’m sitting on the train now, Rammstein blasting in my ears, I’m not naked, I’m not fully clothed, I’m just me and that’s good enough for now. This article ins’t fully coherent and that’s OK too, I still enjoyed writing it.
Be kind, you never know how much a smile could lighten armor.
Mind, on the rocks?! 