Mind, on the rocks?!

Admittedly I would not be classified as an introvert,  if you believe in this archaic classification at all.   Neigh I would be classified as an extrovert,  or as some like to say an energy thief bent on brightening up your day while sapping your valuable energy to fuel more mischief.  And how is this done? Simple, do something that seems to have gone out of fashion, say hello…

Isolation has become a sport, and humans are getting really good at it.  I take the train most days now,  I sort of miss being alone in my car on my old daily commute, it gave me time to think,  but it’s not the same as being stuck inside a steel tube with no way to easily escape.  Truth be told, I don’t engage complete stranger as much as I used to.  I used to randomly start conversations with people just to see their faces contort with shock.  I have however learned to respect that some people need “quiet” in their lives to be who they are, you can all thank my wife for that one.  But this is where the difference comes in,  acknowledging someone’s presence without disturbing their peace is not the same as simply ignoring their very existence.

Saying hello is not the same as doing an autopsy on your life.  Something that struck me a couple of days ago is how disconnected we have really become. This is nothing new we have all heard about the digital disconnect plaguing the human race. But I occasionally watch the entrance and exit of passengers on the train and there is no acknowledgement of humans, everyone is treated like an obstacle and strangely it was actually a homeless person that got me thinking.  I oftentimes have found that I myself have become blind to homeless people, and whilst it’s easy to imagine from a position of privilege,  I was wondering what it felt like to become invisible to everyone around you.  Just as a side note something that I’m working on and it’s been irking me for a while now, think about using the term homeless people and not “the homeless” it’s dehumanizing.

Not everyone likes talking but it’s nice to be noticed.  I have come to the conclusion, neigh I am convinced that the verbal or physical acknowledgement of another human being’s presence makes a difference to both people.  a Simple hello can make the difference between feeling isolated from the world and feeling connected to it.  a Simple acknowledgement of a common courtesy like a door being held open for you or someone letting you pass does a lot to help rebuild the concept that we are still human, we have voices and we do notice each other.

I use digital communications just as much as anyone. Don’t get me wrong train time is now mostly reading time for me,  as such I don’t speak a lot to people, but train time is also text time for me.  I use text messages a lot to let people know that I’m thinking of them and I don’t just use questionable memes, hell sometimes I make an actual phone call.  And this is the point, the concept of the digital disconnect between humans, isn’t a choice between the “digital world” and the “real world” it is a question of integrating the two to allow for the human connection to be created, nursed and sustained.

Water coolers and Cigarettes make great connection points.   I smoke, or to be more accurate I Vape,  yes I know the risks, thank you for your concerns but I’ll be the first to admit that I enjoy it, very much.  Sort of like skydiving,  it’s dangerous but if you dig it, keep doing it.  Alas not the point.  Water coolers and smoking are perfect examples of everyday activities that are brimming with connection opportunities.  I have met more people at water coolers and smoking in strange places than anywhere else.  You see it breaks one of the few so called “barriers” to starting a conversation,  they provide something in common, like the need for water.  The funny thing about this is,  the only real barrier to conversation is language.  Like I don’t speak Cantonese, sign language or Sylbo, Google that one it’s awesome, these are barriers to conversation,  but a smile transcends the need for language. Ask any lady of negotiable affection and they will explain to you how they have negotiated an entire evening’s worth of entertainment and not spoken a single coherent sentence.  The fundamental “barrier” most of us face is the fear of rejection and this is not a barrier at all, it’s an insecurity.

Rejection is scary as hell but it’s a risk with some awesome reward.  It’s scary to start a conversation for many people, especially a conversation with no specific aim.  Look if you want to ask something or explain or warn or complain, it’s easy.  There is an intent and purpose the the conversation which means there is probably some though that has been put into it, which in turn makes it a bit more predictable and leaves you a little more in “control”.  A Natural Hello Conversation is scary as hell,  it carries with it the potential of rejection, which to be honest, no one enjoys.  But the operative word here is POTENTIAL,  it’s not certain it could be quite awesome.  I met a professional clown in Schipol Airport while smoking , she was from Denmark and on her way back from the burning man festival.  I’ve met a professional pianist, a professional chef who turn himself into one of the most dynamic retail specialists.  All because I took the risk, said hello and waited to see if the person responds, knowing full well that I could be met with a “what the hell is wrong with you” look or worse the actual statement.

We have to choose to embrace rejection in support of creating a better day.  Yes it does sound very fluffy and very hippie and if there is one thing I dislike it’s hippies.  However, the opportunity to connect, to just give and receive a smile or a gesture of acknowledgement that indeed signals we are alive can make a much larger difference in someone’s day including your own than we realize.  Yes I know the potential to pick up a creepy bastard or a crazy cat lady along the way is very much possible.  But if we allow the fear of the exceptions of the world to stop us from connecting to the majority,  then we are truly doomed to be alone in a crowd of millions.

I’m not advocating for running around saying HI to everyone, you’ll just end up looking crazy.  Invest yourself sparingly and safely,  don’t over do it and for goodness sake there are some places we don’t do this.  Bathrooms for one are not the best place to acknowledge the existence of another human,  this might be counterintuitive but please bare in mind bathrooms are “sacred spaces” where most people feel at their most vulnerable.  Queues on the other hand are great places regardless of the queue,  you might strike up a conversation about how crappy the queue is but you can always steer the conversation somewhere else.  But bathrooms are specifically a bad idea…I know this, I do test theories before I write about them.

If low key is what suits you, then stick to low key.  Say thank you to the cashier at your local grocery store, say thank you and please often, it’s a beautiful gesture of acknowledgement and gratitude.  Acknowledge a security guard in a building foyer, a simple nod and smile will do.  Greet the person sitting down next to you on the train or bus.  Greet the cubicle dwellers in your office space, if you’re unlucky enough to still be trapped in such a draconian work environment, a simple good morning frees them from the confines of their box for a few seconds and those seconds are precious.  And if you can, don’t look away from a homeless person asking for anything,  if you don’t want to give, then say so politely and move on, you don’t have to entertain any stories or admonishment, but allow these people the opportunity to be visible.

It goes without saying that safety is always a prerogative, you do what makes you feel safe, but don’t confuse safety for isolation.  You don’t have to have a conversation with everyone you meet, just acknowledge that “I see you and I know you are a person too!”