I often wondered if I’m the only person who has a strange series of routines and rituals as part of my day-to-day. I know I’m not, but it did make me question why I have them and surprisingly enough there seems to be a reason…also no goats are involved in the rituals, this is a good thing.
Ever wondered what the difference is between a routine and a ritual? it’s pretty simple one can be interrupted with little to no effect, the other not so much. At their core both are the same, a series of actions taken in a particular order, the major difference being that one is done on ‘autopilot‘ the other involves you actively thinking about each step making sure its done just right. And this is the major thing, the one requires little mental strain whilst the other is an active choice to employ all of your mental acumen to some goal.
Lets have a look at my morning routine. I’ll keep it PG for your sanity. I always do the same thing Mon to Fri, weekends and public holidays are R-rated, sorry.
Walking with water. I wake up at 04:45. I get out of bed walk to the other side of the room and switch of the alarm. Your phone really shouldn’t be next to your bed its a bad habit that keep you awake. Anyway I walk to the kitchen, bladder full, I wash my hands, I pack my lunch, I put the lunch in my backpack, I make my coffee.
My eyes are watering as pressure builds. So off we go, I relieve myself, smile satisfactorily as we all do, wash my hands. Teeth are brushed, deodorant applied and my beard is brushed, twice. I get dressed, back to the bathroom, I wax my hair and oil my beard, I wash my hands.
Its 05:05, Me time now! I’m back in the kitchen and my coffee is cold enough to drink. Now I watch a YouTube video for 10 mins. Anything that takes my fancy, sometimes I’ll start watching a documentary and watch it over several days, but its “me time” and I take it, also I take the coffee. This by the way is a small ritual built into my routine, one of few elements that are not auto-piloted.
Rustling a tame pterodactyl. At 05:15 I attempt to dress my daughter, quietly, armed with milk and nerves of steel. If at this point she wakes up completely my morning could be shot. She is undressed, placed on the potty, head on my knee, she finishes and if I’m lucky she is still half-asleep. She is lifted onto the dressing table, cleaned, creamed, redressed and placed back into bed, it is now 05:25.
I wash my hands again. I wash my hands a lot I should work in some cream time. Anyway I finish my coffee, I make coffee for the wife, I take it to her. I jump on the wife in an attempt to both wake her up and make her laugh. She mostly appreciates it, she appreciates the coffee more. It’s 05:30 and I’m out of the house, I have 15 mins to spare, this would have been used in case the tame pterodactyl woke up during the dressing.
And that’s it, morning routine done. Reading through that you might be tempted to think ‘nut case’, but I challenge you to write down your own morning routine and admire it for its potential complexity. For the more adventuress of you see if you could rearrange your routine and make it more efficient, yes I’m that kind of guy.
Regardless having this morning routine has done something for me. Its helped me start my day relaxed. It allows me to be more comfortable and I leave the house in a calm state, fully awake, not rushed and ready for the day. And the only choices I had to make was what to wear and what to watch the rest was basically ‘autopilot’ no brain power required.
And this is the whole point behind routines. They are great at helping us free up brain power and time for more interesting things. Ever heard the story that Steve Jobs only wore black turtle necks , blue jeans and sneakers every day. This was a routine he adopted to eliminate a choice that eats up a lot of morning brain power. Tomorrow morning when you are standing in front of your wardrobe wondering what to wear this might make more sense. While this might seem extreme it carries merit. Less active decisions means more brain power to spend on other things, hopefully interesting things.
Now rituals on the other hand are distinctly different. The fundamental difference is the application of active brain focus and attention.
Rituals are cultivated because of their ability to prepare the individual or a group (cult?) mentally for a task at hand or to provide them with a feeling of connected comfort. Yes that does sound a bit “pass the cool-aid” but alas it is accurate. Also if you are offered cool-aid by people you don’t know, don’t drink it, it could be a fun party of which you remember nothing or a cult. Either way if you didn’t pour it don’t drink it valuable pearl of wisdom regardless.
We perform rituals because we need the mental payoff. It is the very process of following a sequence of actions with intent that provides us with whatever payoff it is that we need. Allow me to explain using one of my rituals, the “Arena-Clock-Walk“, this is one of the less weird ones and one must keep up appearances of sanity…mostly.
Part 1: Inspect the Arena. I have had the pleasure of doing some public speaking and facilitation in the course of my life and I developed a ritual to deal with the anxiety, Public speaking is a leading phobia leave me alone. I need to check out the venue. Not just because that’s what any professional would do, I need to see the ‘Arena’ for myself. This is done regardless of whether I’m preparing for a speaking event or facilitating a team activity or being the MC at someones wedding. I do the same thing, and it doesn’t take long 15 mins or so is enough, and strangely pictures don’t work, I have to be there, feel it out for myself.
Part 2: The Clock Walk and Talk. I can’t remember when it started, but I do know why I do this. I find a place where I can walk in a circle, always clockwise, and I go through the entire event in my head speaking to myself, sometimes out loud. This has lead to some interesting stares and one or two instances of people asking me if I’m ‘OK’ but its pretty harmless for the most part. The circle is neither big nor is it perfect, which does make you look more crazy granted. But the movement stops me from fidgeting, yes I fidget, and it keeps my heart rate up, adding more oxygen to my blood stream allowing my brain to work better. Yes there is also science behind rituals not just goats, cool-aid and The Great Cthulhu. Go google that I’ll wait…
The reason I perform this ritual is simple. It appease my need for a predictable outcomes. I get to go through the steps of whatever it is I doing, plan for potential stumbling blocks, basically rehearsing until I feel comfortable. Viewing the Arena allows me to know where the exits are, also the bathrooms and where people are most likely to be able to make direct eye contact. The walking is to give me the feeling of freedom or running away possibly. I always get nervous no matter how many times I’ve done something. But when completed my ritual leaves me with the same feeling of calmness that I get from my morning routine, but this time around I actively created it.
An incomplete ritual is an incomplete mind. A ritual interrupted is a ritual restarted, this has been the only way I’ve been able to recover, if it breaks I start again, from scratch, eye of newt, toe of bat, horn of unicorn, dash of pepper. This is where things get a little weird, if my routine is interrupted it annoys me but I adjust the sequence and move on, no harm done. If my ritual is interrupted in my mind it is pretty much catastrophic. If I don’t do the Circle, or I don’t walk the venue my “MOJO” is off. And believe you me having a belly full of “Bad MOJO” is not the best way to start a day. I am not comfortable at all, I struggle, I find it mentally and physically taxing to maintain focus on the event expending energy that should be used on “being awesome” on “just being there”.
The “Big Yawn”, that’s how I know my ritual was successful. There is this thing that happens just before I start whatever it was I was ‘ritualistically’ prepping for. I get this unbelievable tiredness. I yawn like an old bear, I want nothing more than to go to sleep, and If I have “the yawn” I know its going to be a good day.
Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. – Frank Herbert, DUNE.
Having routines and rituals can help us to be better at what we do. They help us free ourselves from day to day meaningless brain draining decisions, preparing ourselves mentally for tasks or situations and in general a sense of comfort. People breed routines and rituals all the time, they aren’t always aware of it but it happens quite often. But there is a dark side to this as well.
Its cool to have routines and rituals as long as you control how they affect you. I read a story once of a cricket player, google it if you don’t know what cricket is, this guy use to tape his bat to the ceiling of the dressing room, because this made him play better. I have no idea what happened if someone took the bat off before he got to play and how that affected him. But naturally this is hogwash, taping a piece of sporting equipment to anything is not going to improve your performance, but it shows the power of the ritual over the mind.
And herein lies the dark side of routines and rituals. When they become controlling, when they cannot be interrupted or adapted, when they dictate your success, you have stepped over the line and you live in fear. The fear of not maintaining the perfect sequence. I too have suffered from this, and it can be debilitating, consuming and difficult to break free from. You would be surprised how many people blame a misstep in a ritual for poor performance or outcome, like a magic spell gone wrong, but it’s real to them, too real perhaps.
Breeding a healthy set of Routines and Rituals is a way of voting for yourself, making sure that you are doing the best thing for you, so that if you so choose you may serve yourself and others with a clearer more focused mind.
Mind, on the rocks?! 