Mind, on the rocks?!

I have been dealing with a lot of “human things” recently, people can be messy but oh-so impressive. Reflecting on these interactions, I realised that sometimes things happen to you and sometimes they just happen around you and knowing the difference is good for your health.

Not everything that happens is happening to you. I can best describe this concept by reflecting on “our” first pregnancy. When my wife was pregnant with our first child she was pregnant and I was looking after a pregnant person, that’s what it felt like. The pregnancy was happening to my wife but happening around me, it affected me but it wasn’t happening to me specifically and this has a massive impact on your perspective. Some things happen around you and eventually, to you, but not everything. Interestingly enough I agree with the concept that you become a dad after birth but your partner is a mom from day one, that was my experience and that is how something happening around me started happening to me, in a good way my perspective shifted very quickly.

Perspective but what is it? This is one of the key quantifiers in regulating your experience and interactions with the world. I think the artistic definition of perspective provides a better explanation than the generic “a point of view”. The artistic definition reads something like this “the art of representing three-dimensional objects on a two-dimensional surface to give the right impression of their height, width, depth, and position in relation to each other.” It’s this last part that makes the difference, understand your relation and position to the things happening, either around or to you, gauging their size, distance and relation to other objects in our case events. It’s more than a point of view it’s an understanding of how things fit together. Understanding what is happening to you and what is happening around you is a very important part of perspective generation. It is surprisingly easy to end up in an existential crisis if exposed to enough swirling context with a lack of perspective. There are so many things happening globally, locally and personally that the flow of change can be deafening. However, the key is to try and understand, if something is happening to you or if this is happening around you, and what your relation to it is.

Practical examples. I have recently been dealing with a lot of human-to-human issues. None of them pleasant, none of them simple, all of them emotionally heavy. Not a single one of these issues was happening to me, they in fact had absolutely nothing to do with me. But if you spend enough time dealing with events you start to generate a clear perspective of what is happening, where the objects are, and where the grey areas are and you eventually start to empathise with the situation. When you interact with a person on a personal emotional level you become part of the activity, coaching, soundboarding, mentoring, analysing, and listening. Eventually, the mental toll starts to tally up and soon something like fatigue, depression, anxiety, and exhaustion starts to happen to you. This is where mindfulness and regulation become important, understanding that your contribution to an activity does not mean you need to invest in everything, be accountable or responsible for anything and that you do not own the situation, you are only there to observe and offer input where required.

A basic guide to differentiation and the biggest trap ever. If you are directly affected and contributing to the activity, it is most likely happening to you. If you are witnessing the activity and whether you are a contributor or not the activity has no direct effect on you, it’s happening around you. Simplistic I know, but effective. There is however a trap, if you contribute enough to an activity, you become linked to it, this may still happen around you but it starts to draw you closer, a terminal orbit if you will. Soon enough, the things that were happening around you started to happen to you. It’s a self-designed and dug empathy trap, don’t get me wrong empathy is what separates us from beasts, not aposable thumbs as commonly thought but empathy. Empathy however needs to be dolled out in measured units and a keen review of your perspective is required at each serving, less you find yourself following in the misfortunes of others.

Reality as told by you. You can’t always help what is happening to you and you can’t always help what is happening around you. Life weaves its tendrils of events around us like a summer breeze pushes pollen into the air and flairs up my sinuses. It is a known and yet unavoidable event that happens on the rotation of the disc with near clock-like precision. No reality is for lack of a better word excessively subjective for each human until a physical object is involved, no one can deny the existence of an elephant lest they are willing to forgo their sanity. but with events and actions, things that happen to us and around us, the reality of the impacts and aftermath is very much subjective to our perspective on the events. everything comes down to where you are located in the picture when the objects move. Our best option is to apply mindfulness to our perspectives and empathy for ourselves.

Perspective, a blueprint for decision making. When dealing with hard situations that are not happening to us we need to remain mindful that we cannot continue to support if we fail our own health. You can’t save every situation and you surely can’t predict the future, if you can hit me up I have plans, but we can adjust our perspective and by doing so shape a more accurate reality, a blueprint for decision making. By shaping our perspectives as objectively as possible we empower ourselves to find evidence for decision making, something that is far more difficult to do than to write down. All of this becomes a far more sticky, messy, and grey experience when it happens to us. At least as a spectator, you have a view field of view, you are looking down on objects in a picture, when it happens to you, you are one of the objects and gauging distance and scale is far more complex.

You can practice mindfulness and prepare for the change. Easier said than done, but reflecting on your perspective and your orientation to situations is one of the ways I have found works for detaching, finding objectivity and assessing whether something is happening to me or around me. It’s hard to practice, many things are emotional and whenever the emotive part of the brain gets going being objective is no mean feat. However, being able to remain reflective and mindful about your perspective can help to see the shift in events and leave you a bit more prepared for your new reality.

Things that happen to people affect them differently, the old mountain and mole’s heap situation, please remember in someone’s reality it is a mountain, respect that and support with empathy so the mountain may shrink.

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As always a CHAT GPT Version: Musings of a wandering mind: Not everything that happens is happening to you!

I’ve been dealing with a lot of “human things” recently. People can be messy but also impressive. Reflecting on these interactions, I realized that sometimes things happen to you and sometimes around you, and knowing the difference is crucial for your well-being.

Not everything that happens is happening to you. This concept became clear during “our” first pregnancy. My wife was pregnant, and I was taking care of a pregnant person. The pregnancy was happening to her but around me. It affected me, but it wasn’t happening to me specifically, which greatly influenced my perspective. Some things happen around you and eventually to you, but not everything. Interestingly, I agree that you become a dad after birth, while your partner is a mom from day one. This shift in perspective happened to me in a positive way.

Perspective is a key factor in regulating your experience and interactions with the world. In art, perspective is about representing three-dimensional objects on a two-dimensional surface to give the right impression of their dimensions and positions relative to each other. This idea applies to our experiences: understanding your relation and position to events, whether they’re happening around or to you, is crucial. Without perspective, you can easily end up in an existential crisis, overwhelmed by the flow of changes globally, locally, and personally.

I’ve recently been dealing with many emotionally heavy human-to-human issues. None of these issues were happening to me directly, but over time, they began to take a mental toll on me. When you interact with people on an emotional level, you become part of the activity. Eventually, fatigue, depression, anxiety, and exhaustion can start to affect you. This is where mindfulness and regulation become important. You need to understand that contributing to an activity doesn’t mean you own it or are responsible for it. You’re there to observe and offer input where required.

Here’s a basic guide: If you are directly affected and contributing to an activity, it is most likely happening to you. If you are witnessing the activity and it has no direct effect on you, it’s happening around you. However, if you contribute enough to an activity, you can become linked to it, and it starts to affect you. This empathy trap is self-designed, and while empathy is essential, it must be measured. Constantly review your perspective to avoid following in the misfortunes of others.

Reality is subjective and depends on our perspective on events. We can’t always control what happens to us or around us. Applying mindfulness to our perspectives and empathy for ourselves is crucial. When dealing with difficult situations that aren’t happening to us, we need to remain mindful of our own health. We can’t save every situation or predict the future, but we can adjust our perspective to shape a more accurate reality. This helps in decision-making, especially when dealing with events that are happening to us.

Practicing mindfulness and reflecting on your perspective can help you detach, find objectivity, and assess whether something is happening to you or around you. It’s hard to be objective when emotions are involved, but remaining reflective and mindful can help you prepare for changes in your reality.

Things that happen to people affect them differently. Remember, what may seem like a molehill to you could be a mountain to someone else. Respect that and support others with empathy so their mountain may shrink.