I have been pondering around the subject of kindness for weeks now, a good friend of mine has a business based on the concept, and as business thinking goes my mind often wanders into the costs of doing business, especially the hidden ones. Many people believe that kindness costs nothing. But I disagree, kindness has a price, and things with a price are part of economies.
As always there is a Chat GPT version at the bottom – far less verbose than me 😉
If we want to talk about kindness we should have a definition, right?!
Kindness: “The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” This is a common definition that most people will get on page one of Google, so let’s go with this. Take a moment to appreciate the keywords. At face value, it seems that friendly is free, generosity is easy and being considerate should come as second nature. But this simply can’t be true, because universally we all know, that nothing comes for free. The cost of kindness takes many forms, in some instances they are physical or monetary exchanges, the real expensive spending is often unseen, mental and emotional labour, time and energy, and it’s this cost that we need to be aware of.
Let’s talk about “kindness currency”.
Mental Credits. It’s my catch-all phrase for my mental and emotional capacity which by and of itself is a fundamental currency of life, my budget for bullshit and laughs so to speak. For the purposes of this article, we are going to look at spending mental credits on kindness specifically. You can’t be friendly, generous or considerate if you don’t have the capacity, and if you are kind beyond your capacity, that normally ends poorly for everyone involved. Don’t spend more than you earn, it’s a normal budgeting concept. You have limited energy and mental capacity, everyone does, the feeling of being able to move and do, the ability to think, reason and make decisions. This in effect determines your ability to engage in the economy of kindness.
Mental Credits are valuable currency! Mental credits are what you spend to invest in your future, freedom and general well-being. The things that allow you to engage in the activities that help you build up your reserves. A simple example of music and mental credits. Let’s say you really get a lot out of music, it energies your body, mind and spirit, great! Now on low metal credits, you may think you can wind down, listen and be recharged, but alas, no. For the music to have the desired effect some form of interaction is required from you! Whether it be dancing around in a crazy circle or actively listening to the melody, lyrics and structures, experiencing the beautiful noise costs you mental credits. No credits to spend? Well the music will just be noise and you won’t get out of it what you need, a return on investment bumping up your budget. This is why we need to look at our mental credits as a currency of life, spend wisely, and invest in ourselves and others.
Right, where were we? Ah yes, the cost of kindness.
Friendly ain’t Free. I have a standard rule, “never get angry at the clerk”. I learned this at a bank, someone next to me was going off their rocker about an accounting issue. But the clerk couldn’t do anything about it, it was just not within their power, but they remained calm, friendly and professional. The kindness shown there was not free, not by a long shot. It took a lot of “mental credits” to buy that friendliness and professionalism. Anyone who has ever worked in the service industry will tell you the amount of time that murder springs to mind is unfathomable. Keeping yourself together in stressful situations costs a lot of mental credit. Now you may be wondering wow this is an extreme example, no worries got you covered, ever tried smiling at strangers? A lot of people, myself included, have anxiety issues. I have to make a real effort to interact with crowds, especially when I’m not being paid, and even then the money doesn’t cover the cost. The cost to me personally is high, I am exhausted by the end of an event, and there wasn’t even conflict involved. Do we still think that friendly is free?
Generosity ain’t easy. You need to understand what are you being generous with, money? bread? time? talent? Do you even know when you are being generous or does it just feel good to give? It’s all mental credits being spent on kindness. If you are being generous with physical things it means you can afford to be, an easy one to settle. Being generous with your time and energy, is about investment, can you really get involved in whatever you are presented with, can you for example truly invest in a conversation? Any generosity costs you mental credits and sometimes a bit of sanity. Being generous with your talents, time and energy with the only reciprocation being a feeling of having done something for someone, is a great reward but the act of generosity is not free. Generosity turning into sacrifice is a noble and dangerous form of kindness, you are going to feel it, sacrifice has a long-lasting effect on your mental state, sometimes positive, most times not.
Consideration is complicated. I’ve lost count of my near-cardiac arrests incidents brought on by a lack of consideration. Many people think that being considerate means not inconveniencing others, sort of a try and make life easier for other people type of deal. That is a noble approach and in the grand scheme of things does make the world better and lower my blood pressure, thank you for trying. But the concept of being considerate is rooted in Thoughtfulness which implies, in most cases, requiring proactive thinking. Thoughtfulness is the act of thinking about a subject or matter proactively to come to some conclusion. Well, guess what you are using to do all that thinking, yes mental credits. We spend mental credits at astonishing rates thinking proactively. Really sitting down and thinking about a problem or action is an expensive endeavour, I get paid very well to do this daily. In real-world terms, consideration is expensive all the more so in personal mental health terms. Some of the highest burnout rates are with knowledge workers because we think all the time! Consideration thus is probably one of the most expensive aspects of kindness. On a side note, Reactive thinking is totally cool, I’m not asking you to contemplate every decision or action, but when it comes down to brass tacks, I believe we have all adopted a more reactive style of consideration as a preservation mechanism for our mental credits. This alone shows that subconsciously we have an understanding of cost and value.
Is there a hole in my bucket dear Liza? At this point, you may be thinking, what a load of horse radish! You may also be seriously considering hoarding your mental credits because it feels like you literally have a hole in your wallet and credits are spilling out all over the floor, and you are soon to go mad. Not to worry. Kindness is not free that much I think is clear. So if it’s not free how should we be treating it? Learn some economics!
The kindness economy.
Yes, that’s right there is a pseudo-economy model around kindness. We all live in it but we don’t always realise that we are contributing. If we look at kindness as a currency, backed by metal credits, we can start to look at how this currency has value we can start understanding how value can generate more value. Investment by its nature is linked to responsible spending and investment into the world, people and yourself to drive value. I am going to explore three specific economic activities, Investment, Insurance and Philanthropy.
Kindness as an Investment. Investment is not passive it is active a focused endeavour to create or support deriving value. Commonly kindness is invested in betterment, alleviation, upliftment, consoling and empathising (the list goes on). The return on investment? it ranges from feeling good to generating goodwill and possibly new opportunities and relationships. Investment is also about maintenance, we invest kindness to maintain our investments in friends, business, community and most importantly ourselves. a lack of self-investment will make you “kindness poor” quickly and your ability to maintain investments will quickly falter. Sadly like not being able to generate an income to sustain your investments, the same applies here. This leads us to the next economic endeavour, Kindness as Insurance.
Kindness as Insurance. Kindness can be used to “buy support and goodwill In the future”. This sounds like it’s a focused selfish act designed to manipulate people into taking pity on you. On the contrary, I follow no religion but I have taken a theoretical interest to better understand the humans around me. Some of these learnings have shown me a common thread, the concept of Karma, this is no coincidence. It all comes down to a simple truth, “one good turn deserves another”. Kindness as insurance is genuinely performing acts of friendship, consideration and generosity building rapport in communities and with individuals all in the hope that in your hour of need, kindness will be shown you.
Philanthropic Kindness. This is the one we all idolise but quickly find unsustainable. How does Philanthorphy really work? The truth, you give because you have more than you need and some days that may be true for us all, but most days it is not. Giving when you don’t have enough is not philanthropy that is sacrifice, not quite the same and definitely not sustainable. Kindness invested with a philanthropic focus has no active planning, no expectation of return or favour but only focuses on the betterment and the hope of making a difference. This does not diminish the value of kindness or the intent, but it does make a clear distinction between having more than enough and having just enough. Philanthropy is not for everyone, and often insurance is seen as philanthropy the true difference, the intent. Insurance is a positive but proactive activity, philanthropy doesn’t follow a specific plan, and it is spent where and when it is needed.
At the end of the day, your kindness is your kindness.
Mental Credits are valuable and valuable things are treated in many different ways. Some people horde them, and this explains the lack of consideration in daily life. Some people give it away, and that’s cool. Some people look at valuable things and look for opportunities to invest. It’s an example time, remember the bank clerk? “Never get angry with the clerk” It’s an investment, plain and simple. It’s plain dumb and expensive to get angry. In general, getting angry means you are operating at a lower cognitive level, go ahead and Google it, it is fascinating. Getting angry raises your emotional state, if you think thoughtfulness is expensive, uncontrolled emotional states well that’s just you dumping buckets of mental credits on a fire to watch it burn brighter. I have found that being kind in the service industry or anywhere for that matter gets better results. I’m investing kindness into the situation and this human by being friendly and cool about something that has me highly irritated. I’m investing mental credits to stay cool and keep communicating to get a better outcome and have a more pleasant experience for everyone.
I’m not here to tell you how to spend your kindness. I’m not advocating for frugality or philanthropy. My hope is that you recognize the economy and your own investments and reflect on how and where you invest. I wish I understood the economy of kindness earlier in my life. I’ve spent so many years dumping kindness into poor investments. Wasted potential in efforts to win over and maintain relationships well past their due date. I now reflect and find that I was often credit-poor, spending blindly and over-committing. Bad investments as in real life with real money have a huge effect on our mental health and I’ve only recently, in the last 2 maybe 3 years, really started paying attention to my investments and the returns have been great!
Kindness is not free, it is not cheap and it is not bountiful. If you can spare some kindness please do so, do it freely and with the intent to improve, beautify, comfort, uplift or engage in meaningful ways. Invest in people they are worth it and importantly invest in yourself!
The Chat GPT version:
Musings of a wandering mind: The economy of kindness
Kindness has been occupying my thoughts lately, sparked by a friend’s business dedicated to it. As I delve into the intricacies of business costs, particularly the hidden ones, I find myself challenging the notion that kindness comes without a price. Kindness, I argue, carries a cost, woven into various aspects of economies.
To begin, let’s establish a definition of kindness: “The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” While this definition may suggest that kindness is effortless, it’s essential to recognize that nothing truly comes for free. Kindness exacts a toll, ranging from physical or monetary exchanges to less visible expenses such as mental and emotional labor, time, and energy.
Enter the concept of “kindness currency.”
Mental Credits, as I term them, represent our mental and emotional capacity—a fundamental currency of life. For the sake of this discussion, let’s focus on how we expend mental credits specifically on acts of kindness. Without the capacity for friendliness, generosity, or consideration, our ability to engage in the economy of kindness is limited. Overspending these mental credits often leads to negative outcomes for all involved. Just like budgeting finances, it’s crucial not to spend more than we earn.
Now, let’s explore the costs associated with kindness.
- Friendly Ain’t Free: Maintaining a friendly demeanor, especially in stressful situations, requires significant mental credits. From remaining composed during customer service interactions to smiling at strangers, the cost of friendliness is often underestimated. Even seemingly minor acts can drain our mental reserves, particularly for those grappling with anxiety.
- Generosity Ain’t Easy: Whether it’s giving money, time, or talent, generosity comes at a cost. Investing mental credits in acts of generosity means diverting resources from other endeavors. Sacrificial generosity, while noble, can have long-lasting effects on mental well-being.
- Consideration Is Complicated: Consideration goes beyond avoiding inconveniencing others—it requires proactive thoughtfulness, consuming mental credits at astonishing rates. While reactive consideration may seem sufficient, truly investing mental energy into thoughtful actions is a costly endeavor.
So, how should we approach kindness knowing its costs?
Enter the kindness economy.
Viewing kindness as a currency backed by mental credits allows us to understand its value and potential for growth. Let’s explore three economic activities within this framework: Investment, Insurance, and Philanthropy.
- Kindness as an Investment: Investing in kindness yields various returns, from personal fulfillment to fostering goodwill and opportunities. Maintaining these investments is crucial for long-term well-being.
- Kindness as Insurance: Acts of kindness serve as a form of insurance, building support networks and goodwill for the future. By investing in relationships and communities, we create a safety net for ourselves.
- Philanthropic Kindness: Philanthropy involves giving from a place of abundance, aiming to make a difference without expecting anything in return. It’s essential to distinguish between true philanthropy and sacrificial giving, which can be unsustainable.
In conclusion, our kindness is a valuable resource to be spent wisely. Reflecting on our investments and their returns is crucial for maintaining mental well-being and fostering meaningful connections. Let’s invest in kindness, both in others and in ourselves, with the intent to uplift and improve the world around us.
Mind, on the rocks?! 