For most of us the inevitable is that you will change jobs and this means leaving your old tribe and joining a new one. Joining new tribes can be daunting, but luckily there are some tips to surviving the courting ritual, and hopefully, seeing you joining your new tribe with limited scars and perhaps a symbolic branding of some sort.
Tip 1: Don’t Disturb the natives, not on day one anyway.
When one joins a new tribe it is advisable not to arrive with a bang. Contrary to popular belief, no one likes to have their apple cart pushed over, especially not by a stranger. The tribe has a rhythm all their own and they like it, it’s familiar and you are not, try to remember that. “Stranger Danger” is a normal response.
Tribal acclimatization takes time. The good news is this, tribe is actually as curious about you as you are about them. Some will be uncomfortable but everyone is interested, especially the ones who don’t seem interested at all. Allow the tribe time to get use to your presence, let them get a feel for you, or if its a really friendly tribe feel you up. Either way don’t force it, at least not just yet. Allow them to move about you freely and observe them carefully try to pick up on curtsies and interaction styles.
Don’t cry to the chief on day one, no one appreciates that. A tribe is bound to have some first week jitters. Try to be accommodating and forgiving, they don’t know you, and many gestures and approaches are attempts to interact with you or test your response. Accept this as part of the courting ritual, work from the outset that everyone is an adult and they have good intentions. If you don’t like something by all means say so, but deal with it on a peer to peer level. Don’t go crying to the Tribal chief the first time you get upset, the chief is part of the tribe as well and chiefs have a responsibility to their tribes, which you are not part of, yet.
Bring food as an offering to the tribe. Its a dicey one but the gesture is always appreciated, unless you have a gluten Nazi. Regardless bringing something like fruit or a box of doughnuts in your first week is a gesture that always elicits a positive response. The human activity of giving freely and sharing without expectation goes a long way to appease the human mind and furthering the courting ritual, second base here we come!
Tip 2: Observe their rituals, learn the language.
Watching the tribe go about their normal business for a couple of days could mean the difference between acceptance and ostracization. Its important to get a feel for how the tribe communicates, what is and isn’t acceptable, what type of language they use and at what volume, basically how they interact. Try to get a feel for how your natural style flows with, or against the tribe’s rhythm. No one is asking you to change who you are, but adapting your style of interaction is inevitable, and expected.
Your previous tribe’s behavior might not cut it, time to update that repertoire. Regardless of how convinced you are that people will get to know you and appreciate you for you, remember one thing, you are new and strange. That means you have to make the first move when it comes to adapting behavior. Subconsciously most people are very receptive to ‘social effort’. As soon as you show a concerted effort to adapt to the tribe most of the tribe will respond, and those that don’t will be convinced by other tribe members.
Pay attention to humor, it can be a “make it” or “break it” situation. We might not think about it actively, but something really funny or awkward will be really really memorable for a really really really long time. Humor is a very good way of gauging a tribes acceptance of controversy, it quickly highlights the acceptable and taboo elements of interactions. In many cultures humor is a way of expressing acceptance (off-kilter) and displeasure (sarcasm) as such it becomes a great way of seeing what is happening in a tribe and what they are thinking.
Tip 3: Respect the sacred beasts and idols.
Be wary of touching a sacred beast, every tribe has them. Nothing sours that initial courtship quite like disrespecting a sacred beast. Tribes have many sacred beasts, things that are respected and revered. These are commonly the tribes values and expectations of each-other, in weird instances its people or objects like John’s mug and Sahara’s spot in the boardroom. If you happen to unknowingly brush up on a scared beast, or ride it through the village square naked, be humble and apologize. If you can, respectfully ask why the beast is sacred, this will help to identify them in future.
Taboos are called taboos for a reason, nothing you do will change that in the short term. Just like sacred beasts, many tribes have taboos, behavior and topics that are just not done or engaged with. Not every taboo will make sense and sometimes they are simply silly, but they are not silly to the tribe. Respect the Taboos as you would the sacred beasts. Same rule applies, if you step in it apologize and ask why with sensitivity and grace, if no one wants to offer a valid explanation accept it as folk lore and move on.
Hanging back and finding out what the scared beasts and taboos are is invaluable to your acceptance. Understanding or at least accepting and respecting the beasts and taboos will provide you with a great starting position from which to express yourself, relatively safely. Showing the tribe that you are adapting to their idols and respecting their culture will endure you to them quicker than you expected.
Tip 4: Tribal Politics are brutal, stay out as long as possible.
If you ever have a choice between porn and politics choose porn. That is how stupidly dangerous politics can be. Tribal politics can be as innocuous as a bit of banter to elevate status or as brutal as full on tribal war, where everyone gets a black eye and no one really wins in the long run. The reality is politics are unavoidable, but you always have a choice to abstain from it. No one can force you to join in, you might not be the most popular afterwards but at least you have your dignity and you probably earned some respect.
Factionalism is an unfortunate reality of many tribes. Be wary of the first tribe member to approach you with factional intentions. It’s bound to happen, one member of a tribe will approach you with details and backstories of other tribe members with the intention of “warning” you. They might have the best intentions, but you simply don’t know them well enough to make that call. Whilst this information is valuable for making decisions and interacting with the tribe, try not to commit yourself to any factions, remain as impartial as possible for as long as possible.
Treat yourself like an immigrant, stay out of the voting booth by claiming “New Person Status”. In many cases playing the role of the “new person” is a saving grace. As you deal with the tribe on a daily basis you can get away from not weighing in on discussions for quite a while. Simply claim new person status, “sorry cant vote”, new person, “sorry can’t comment”, new person. It doesn’t last forever but it allows you a short period where you can listen in and make your own decisions without having chosen a house to serve.
Tip 5: Tribal Reluctance is expected, be proactive.
When one joins a tribe it is normal that the tribe might not think to invite you to activities. Having been doing “perfectly fine” without you for quite a while, the tribe is not use to including you or assigning you tasks. This is normal and should be treated as an opportunity to learn and interact with the tribe. Make yourself available and ask to be included, when things take place ask about them, what was that conversation about? what is this meeting for? what does this acronym mean? why don’t we eat fish in this office?
Especially if you are joining the tribe to perform a specific function. This can be tricky situation, especially if there is a tribe member who is performing this function already. You joining might be a saving grace for them to hand it over and lighten their burden. You could also face reluctance. Reluctance stems from many places, a sense of responsibility, duty or enjoyment, they gain purpose from it or feel valued by performing it. Regardless it is your function within the tribe and you need to own it. In the case of reluctance approach the situation with determined grace. You have to own the function eventually so best not wait for an invitation to hand over. This is one of the few times that the Chief might be needed and rightfully so.
Remember being accepted into a tribe takes time, these tips will get you past the first couple of weeks after that its your sparkling personality that does the rest.
Just be yourself….everyone else is already taken!
Mind, on the rocks?! 